Why is it so hard to pin down what charisma actually is?

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Charisma vs charm — what's the real difference? Why do some people command a room the moment they walk in? Why is an assertive woman called bossy while a man is called charismatic? Why are some people friendly with everyone but truly close to no one? The friend who never admits they're hurt — agreeing your way out of honesty. Why do so many manipulative people present themselves as the hyper-competent one everyone needs? Why is being the 'mom friend' of the group so exhausting? Nobody believes the loudest person in the room has social anxiety. Is agreeableness just conflict avoidance dressed up as kindness? Why do charismatic leaders get trusted with decisions they're not qualified for?